Forget 'Learning' Foreign Languages – You Should Be Making Friends With Them
Many of us have had this experience:
After studying English for ten years at school, memorising countless words and painstakingly dissecting grammar rules, you finally meet a foreign friend, and after struggling for ages, still manage only a "Hello, how are you?". Why is learning a foreign language so painful, so pointless?
Perhaps the problem is that we've been heading in the wrong direction from the very beginning.
We tend to view language as an academic 'discipline' to be studied, but in reality, it's more like a 'living, breathing person', waiting for us to get to know them, to make friends with them.
Think about it: How do you make friends?
You don't immediately start analysing their 'grammatical structure' or demand they recite their CV. You'd chat with them, listen to what music they like, see what TV shows they enjoy binge-watching, and share jokes and stories with each other. You spend time with them because you genuinely like 'the person' themselves.
Learning a language should be no different.
From Language Struggler to Polyglot Pro
I have a friend who, by adopting this 'making friends' approach, transformed from a recognised 'language dunce' into a master of several foreign languages.
During his school days, he was terrible at English, French, and Spanish alike. Especially Spanish, which, despite being so similar to his native Portuguese, he still managed to fail. He detested rote learning and would always zone out in class; his mind was always on playing football after school.
Traditional classrooms were like an awkward blind date, force-feeding him a 'subject' he had no interest in, and of course, he just wanted to escape.
Curiously, however, he had always loved languages deep down. He wanted to understand his Spanish neighbours chatting and he yearned for French culture. The real change came when he found a reason to 'make friends' with these languages.
Every summer, his family's seaside holiday home was always bustling with relatives and friends speaking a variety of languages. When everyone was chatting in French about the popular songs of the year, or classic lines from films, he always felt like an outsider, unable to get a word in edgeways.
That feeling of 'wanting to fit in with them' was like wanting to join a cool social circle, so you unconsciously start to learn about their interests. He actively started listening to French songs and watching British TV shows because he wanted to have more common ground with his family and friends.
You see, what drove his learning wasn't exam scores, but a 'sense of connection' – the desire to connect with people he liked, and cultures he admired.
Now, when he can effortlessly hum an old French song and get all his friends roaring with laughter, that sense of achievement is far more tangible than any high exam score.
How to 'Make Friends' with a Language?
Once this clicked, the method became incredibly simple. My friend summarised three core steps, just like the three stages of making a new friend:
Step One: Find 'Shared Interests', not 'Practical Aims'
Many people learning a language will first ask: "Which language is most useful? Which is most profitable?"
This is like making friends purely based on someone's family background or social standing; a relationship like that is destined not to last.
The real motivation comes from genuine, heartfelt passion. Do you particularly enjoy Japanese anime? Then learn Japanese. Are you obsessed with Korean K-pop? Then learn Korean. Do you find the atmosphere of French cinema utterly unique? Then learn French.
When you truly immerse yourself in a culture you love, you won't even think about 'how many hours I've studied today'. You'll get lost in it naturally, just like binge-watching a series or listening to music, and enjoy the process. That's the most powerful, most sustainable learning engine.
Step Two: Cultivate 'Daily Companionship', not 'Forced Appointments'
Making friends thrives on daily companionship, rather than sporadic 'formal dates'.
Stop forcing yourself to sit rigidly for an hour every day, grinding away at boring textbooks. Integrate language learning into your daily routine, letting it become a habit.
My friend's approach is:
- First thing in the morning: While brushing his teeth and making coffee, he'd listen to 30 minutes of French audio, repeating aloud. These simple chores don't require much thought, making them the perfect time for 'ear training'.
- While walking: He walks over 10,000 steps every day, and uses this time to listen to French podcasts. This way, he gets exercise and practises his listening skills.
This 'learning on the go' approach significantly reduces the difficulty of sticking with it. Because you're not 'adding' a new task, but 'utilising' time you would have spent anyway.
Step Three: Be Bold and 'Start Talking', rather than 'Pursue Perfection'
When getting to know new friends, the biggest fear is remaining silent for fear of making mistakes.
The essence of language is communication, not a recitation contest. No one will mock you for a few grammatical errors. Quite the opposite, your effort and bravery will earn you respect and friendship.
So, speak up boldly. Even if it's just repeating words to yourself on the street, just like my friend did (he was even thought to be mentally unstable by his girlfriend's friends). Put on headphones, and people will think you're on the phone – that can help you overcome the initial fear.
Repetition and imitation are the quickest ways to 'internalise' a language and make it your own. Your mouth will develop muscle memory, and your brain will get used to new pronunciations and rhythms.
So, forget about those pesky grammar rules and vocabulary lists that give you headaches.
The best way to learn a language is to stop 'learning' it.
Find a culture that truly excites you, integrate it into your daily life, then speak up bravely, and forge genuine connections.
When you're ready to transform your love for a language into friendships with more people around the world, tools like Intent can help you take that first step. It's a chat app with built-in AI translation, allowing you to easily communicate with native speakers worldwide from day one, even if your vocabulary is limited. It's like having a translator who understands you sitting beside you when you chat with a new friend for the very first time.
Now, ask yourself: Which language do you most want to make friends with?