Stop Blaming Yourself for Gossiping! You're Simply Consulting 'Life's Version of an Online Review Site'

Do you find yourself doing the same?

On one hand, you feel that "talking behind people's backs" is a bad habit, but on the other, you can't resist grumbling to friends about someone who isn't present. We're taught from a young age not to gossip about others, yet scientists have found that a surprising 65% to 90% of our daily conversations are about people who just aren't there.

Isn't this contradictory? We hate being gossiped about, yet we can't get enough of it ourselves.

Before you rush to moralise, what if I told you that the essence of this behaviour is actually the same as when you open an online review platform like TripAdvisor or Google Maps to check ratings before deciding what to have for dinner?

Your Social Circle Needs 'User Reviews' Too

Imagine, you wouldn't just walk into a completely unfamiliar restaurant, would you? You'd first check the reviews: What's their signature dish? Is the service good? Has anyone run into problems there?

In our social lives, we're actually doing the same thing. What we call "gossip" is, more often than not, an unofficial "real-life review system".

Through conversations with friends, we're quietly gathering information:

• "Wang is very reliable; last time I had a problem, he helped without a second thought." — That's a five-star review, trustworthy.
• "Be careful when working with Li; he always submits things at the last minute." — That's a three-star warning, requiring caution.
• "Definitely don't team up with that person; they'll take all the credit." — That's a one-star poor review; best to keep your distance.

Psychologists have found this is almost instinctive. Even children "tip each other off": "Don't play with that child; they never share their toys." This isn't malicious slander, but a primitive self-preservation and social screening mechanism – we're confirming who can be an asset and who might be a liability.

We use these "user reviews" to decide who to add to our life's "friends list".

Why Do We Hate 'Being Reviewed'?

Since "gossip" is such an important social tool, why is it so notorious and make us feel so guilty?

The answer is simple: Because no one wants to be the restaurant that gets slammed with one-star reviews.

When we become the subject of discussion, we lose control over our reputation. Our image is no longer defined by ourselves but is in the hands of others. This is why we're afraid, because we know the destructive power of "bad reviews".

Instead of Forbidding Reviews, Learn to 'Experience Things Firsthand'

So, the key isn't to completely forbid "gossip", but rather how to view and use these "reviews". Malicious rumours are like online trolls whose goal is to destroy a business; while well-intentioned warnings are meant to help friends avoid bad experiences.

But more importantly, we must understand: Other people's reviews are, in the end, just a reference.

Many misunderstandings and prejudices stem from layers of distorted secondhand information. Especially when dealing with people from different cultures and backgrounds, relying solely on hearsay is even more dangerous. Language barriers and cultural differences can turn an innocent remark into a serious "poor review".

Instead of relying on these biased "reviews", it's better to give yourself a chance to "experience things firsthand".

This is also why direct communication is so important. When you can overcome language barriers and converse easily with people from all over the world, you no longer need to rely on others' accounts. You can personally experience and understand, forming your own most authentic first-hand assessment. Tools like Intent, with built-in real-time translation, are designed to help you break down this wall, allowing you to converse directly with anyone.

Next time you hear "gossip" about someone, perhaps pause for a moment.

Remember, the best way to get to know someone is never by reading "reviews" about them, but by sitting down and having a good chat with them in person.

True connection begins with an honest conversation.