Stop "Studying" Languages, It's Time You Made Friends With Them
Many of us can relate to this:
After studying English for ten years in school, memorizing countless words, and painstakingly analyzing endless grammar rules, we meet a foreign friend and, after struggling for ages, still manage only a "Hello, how are you?" Why is learning a language so painful and seemingly useless?
The problem might be that we got the direction wrong from the very beginning.
We always treat language as an academic 'subject' to study, but in reality, it's more like a 'living, breathing person,' waiting for us to get to know them, to make friends with them.
Think about it, how do you make friends?
You don't immediately start analyzing their 'grammatical structure' or ask them to recite their resume. You chat with them, listen to what music they like, see what series they enjoy, and share jokes and stories with each other. It's because you like the 'person' themselves that you're willing to spend time with them.
Learning a language should be the same way.
The Secret: From Language "Dud" to Master
I have a friend who, by adopting this 'making friends' approach, transformed from a recognized 'language dud' into a master of several foreign languages.
During his school days, he was terrible at English, French, and Spanish. Especially Spanish, which despite being so similar to his native Portuguese, he still managed to fail. He hated memorizing, constantly zoned out in class, and all he could think about was playing football after school.
Traditional classrooms felt like an awkward arranged marriage, pushing an uninteresting 'subject' onto him, and naturally, all he wanted to do was run away.
But miraculously, he always had a fondness for languages deep down. He wanted to understand his Spanish neighbours chatting and longed to experience French culture. The real change happened after he found a reason to 'make friends' with these languages.
Every summer, his family's beach house was always bustling with relatives and friends speaking various languages. When everyone chatted in French about popular songs from that year or classic movie lines, he always felt like an outsider, unable to join in.
That feeling of 'wanting to blend in with them' was like wanting to join a cool social circle, so you instinctively started learning about their interests. He began actively listening to French songs and watching British series, because he wanted to have more common ground with his family and friends.
You see, what drove his learning wasn't exam scores, but a 'sense of connection' — that yearning to connect with people and cultures he liked.
Now, when he can casually hum an old French song and make all his friends laugh out loud, that sense of accomplishment is far more real than any high exam score.
How to "Make Friends" with a Language?
Once he grasped this, the method became remarkably simple. My friend summarized three core steps, much like the three stages of making a new friend:
Step One: Find "Common Interests," Not "Practical Gains"
Many people learning a language first ask: "Which language is most useful? Which one will make me the most money?"
This is like making friends only based on someone's family background; such relationships are doomed to fail.
True motivation comes from genuine passion. Are you particularly fond of Japanese anime? Then go learn Japanese. Are you obsessed with Korean K-pop? Then go learn Korean. Do you find the ambience of French films unique? Then go learn French.
When you truly immerse yourself in a culture you love, you won't even think about "how many hours I studied today." You'll naturally dive into it, like binge-watching a series or listening to music, and enjoy the process. This is the most powerful and sustainable learning engine.
Step Two: Create "Daily Interaction," Not "Formal Dates"
Making friends thrives on daily companionship, not sporadic 'formal dates.'
Stop forcing yourself to sit rigidly for an hour every day, slogging through boring textbooks. Integrate language learning into your daily routine, letting it become a habit.
My friend's method is:
- Morning Routine: While brushing teeth or making coffee, listen to 30 minutes of French audio and repeat loudly. These simple chores don't require much thought, making it the perfect 'ear training' time.
- While Walking: He walks over 10,000 steps daily, and he uses this time to listen to French podcasts. It exercises both his body and his listening skills.
This 'incidental' way of learning significantly reduces the difficulty of sticking with it. Because you're not 'adding' a task, but 'utilizing' time you would already be spending.
Step Three: Speak Up Boldly, Not "Strive for Perfection"
When interacting with new friends, the biggest fear is remaining silent due to the fear of making mistakes.
The essence of language is communication, not a recitation contest. No one will mock you for a few grammatical errors. On the contrary, your effort and courage will earn you respect and friendship.
So, speak up boldly. Even if it means talking to yourself and repeating phrases on the street, like my friend (who was even mistaken for being mentally unwell by his girlfriend's friends). Wear headphones, and others will think you're on a call, which can help you overcome that initial fear.
Repetition and imitation are the fastest ways to 'internalize' the language. Your mouth will develop muscle memory, and your brain will get used to new pronunciations and rhythms.
So, forget about those headache-inducing grammar rules and word lists.
The best way to learn a language is not to treat it as 'studying'.
Find a culture that truly excites you, integrate it into your daily life, and then bravely speak up to build real connections.
When you're ready to transform your love for a language into friendships with more people around the world, tools like Intent can help you take the first step. It's a chat app with built-in AI translation, allowing you to easily communicate with native speakers worldwide from day one, even if your vocabulary isn't extensive. It's like having a translator who understands you sitting beside you when you chat with a new friend for the first time.
Now, ask yourself: Which language do you most want to make friends with?