Stop Blaming Yourself for Loving Gossip! Actually, You're Just Browsing the 'Zomato/Google Maps of Life'

Are you like this too?

You might feel that "talking about others" is a bad habit, yet you can't help but vent to friends about someone who isn't present. We've been taught since childhood not to talk about people behind their backs, but scientists have found that a staggering 65% to 90% of our daily conversations are related to "people who just happen to not be there."

Isn't this a contradiction? We hate being gossiped about, yet we indulge in it relentlessly.

Hold on before you jump to moral judgment. What if I told you that the essence of this behaviour is actually the same as opening Zomato or Google Maps to read reviews before deciding what to have for dinner?

Your Social Circle Also Needs "User Reviews"

Imagine, you wouldn't just walk into a completely unknown restaurant, right? You'd first check the reviews: What's their signature dish? Is the service good? Has anyone had a bad experience?

In our social interactions, we're actually doing the same thing. What's called "gossip" is, a lot of the time, an unofficial "real-life review system."

By chatting with friends, we're actually quietly gathering information:

• "Xiao Wang is a reliable person; he helped me instantly when I was in trouble last time." — That's a five-star rating, highly reliable.
• "Be careful when working with Xiao Li; he always delivers things at the last minute." — That's a three-star alert, handle with caution.
• "Never team up with that person; they'll take all the credit." — That's a one-star bad review, best to keep your distance.

Psychologists have found this is almost our instinct. Even children will alert each other: "Don't play with that kid, he never shares toys." This isn't malicious slander, but a most primitive self-preservation and community screening mechanism – we are confirming who can be our 'dream teammate' and who is potentially a 'liability'.

We use these "user reviews" to decide whom to add to our life's "friends list."

Why Do We Hate "Being Reviewed"?

Since "gossip" is such an important social tool, why is it so infamous and makes us feel so guilty?

The answer is simple: Because no one wants to be that restaurant that was slammed with a one-star bad review.

When we become the subject of discussion, we lose control over our own 'reputation'. Our image is no longer defined by us, but by what others say. This is why we're afraid, because we deeply know the destructive power of a 'bad review'.

Rather Than Banning Reviews, Learn to "Experience It Firsthand"

So, the key isn't to completely ban "idle talk," but how to view and use these "reviews." Malicious rumours, like online smear campaigns, aim to destroy a business; while well-intentioned warnings are to help friends avoid a bad experience.

But more importantly, we must understand: Others' reviews are, after all, just references.

Many misunderstandings and prejudices stem from layers of miscommunication of secondhand information. Especially when we face people from different cultures and backgrounds, relying solely on "hearsay" is even more dangerous. Language barriers and cultural differences can make an innocent remark be interpreted as a serious 'bad review'.

Rather than relying on these biased "reviews," it's better to give yourself a chance to "experience it firsthand."

This is also why direct communication is so important. When you can overcome language barriers and easily converse with people from all over the world, you no longer need to rely on others' accounts. You can personally feel, understand, and form your own most genuine first-hand assessment. Tools like Intent, with built-in real-time translation, are designed to help you break down this wall, allowing you to directly converse with anyone.

Next time, when you hear "gossip" about someone, perhaps pause for a moment.

Remember, the best way to understand a person is never by reading "reviews" about them, but by sitting down and having a good chat with them personally.

True connection begins with a sincere conversation.