Stop 'Studying' Foreign Languages — Make Friends with Them Instead!
Many of us have had this experience:
After ten years of English classes in school, memorizing countless words and poring over endless grammar rules, when we finally encounter a foreign friend, all we can manage after struggling for a long time is a mere "Hello, how are you?" Why is learning a foreign language so painful, so futile?
The problem might be that we've been heading in the wrong direction from the very beginning.
We tend to treat language as a "subject" to be studied, but in reality, it's more like a "living, breathing entity," waiting for us to get to know it, to befriend it.
Just think, how do you make friends?
You don't immediately start analyzing their "grammatical structure" or ask them to recite their resume. You chat with them, listen to what music they like, see what shows they binge-watch, and share jokes and stories. You spend time with them because you genuinely like the "person" themselves.
Learning a language should be no different.
From 'Language Dunce' to Language Master: The Secret
I have a friend who used this "making friends" approach to transform from a widely recognized "language dunce" into a master of several foreign languages.
In school, he struggled with English, French, and Spanish—all of them. Especially Spanish, which, despite its similarities to his native Portuguese, he still managed to fail. He hated memorization, constantly zoned out in class, and all he could think about was playing soccer after school.
Traditional classrooms felt like an awkward blind date, pushing an uninteresting "subject" onto him, so he naturally just wanted to escape.
But surprisingly, he always had a soft spot for languages. He wanted to understand his Spanish-speaking neighbors' conversations and was drawn to French culture. The real shift happened when he found a reason to "befriend" these languages.
Every summer, his family's beach house was bustling with activity. Relatives and friends spoke various languages. When everyone was chatting in French about popular songs of the day or classic movie references, he always felt like an outsider, unable to chime in.
That feeling of wanting to "fit in" with them was like wanting to join a cool social circle, so you instinctively start learning about their interests. He began actively listening to French songs and watching British TV shows because he wanted more common ground with his family and friends.
You see, what drove his learning wasn't test scores, but a sense of "connection"—that yearning to connect with people he liked and cultures he admired.
Now, when he casually hums an old French song and makes all his friends burst into laughter, that sense of accomplishment is far more rewarding than any high test score.
How to "Befriend" a Language?
Once he figured this out, the method became surprisingly simple. My friend summarized three core steps, like the three stages of making a new friend:
Step One: Find "Common Ground," Not "Utilitarian Goals"
Many people learning a language first ask: "Which language is most useful? Which one will make me the most money?"
This is like choosing friends based only on their family background or social standing. Such relationships are doomed to fail.
True motivation comes from genuine passion. Are you a huge fan of Japanese anime? Then learn Japanese. Can't get enough of Korean K-pop? Then learn Korean. Do you find the ambiance of French cinema truly unique? Then learn French.
When you truly immerse yourself in a culture you love, you won't even think about "how many hours did I study today?" You'll binge-watch shows and listen to music, naturally immersing yourself and enjoying the process. This is the most powerful and sustainable learning engine.
Step Two: Create "Everyday Interactions," Not "Forced Dates"
Friendship thrives on daily companionship, not sporadic "formal dates."
Stop forcing yourself to sit rigidly for an hour every day, slogging through boring textbooks. Integrate language learning into your daily routine, letting it become a lifestyle habit.
My friend's approach:
- In the morning: While brushing his teeth and making coffee, he'd listen to 30 minutes of French audio and repeat aloud. These simple chores don't require much thought, making it the perfect "ear-training" time.
- While walking: He walks over 10,000 steps daily, and he uses this time to listen to French podcasts. It's a way to exercise his body and practice his listening skills.
This "incidental" learning method greatly reduces the difficulty of sticking with it. Because you're not "adding" a task, but "utilizing" time you'd be spending anyway.
Step Three: Dare to "Speak Up," Not "Strive for Perfection"
When you're with new friends, the biggest fear is staying silent because you're afraid of making mistakes.
The essence of language is communication, not a recitation contest. No one will mock you for a few grammatical errors. On the contrary, your effort and courage will earn you respect and friendship.
So, speak up boldly. Even if it's just repeating words to yourself on the street, like my friend (his girlfriend's friends even thought he was a little crazy at one point). Put on headphones, and people will think you're on the phone. This can help you overcome that initial fear.
Repetition and imitation are the fastest ways to "internalize" a language and make it your own. Your mouth will develop muscle memory, and your brain will get used to new pronunciations and rhythms.
So, forget about those grammar rules and vocabulary lists that give you headaches.
The best way to learn a language is to stop treating it as "studying."
Find a culture that excites you, integrate it into your daily life, and then bravely speak up to build genuine connections.
When you're ready to turn your love for a language into friendships with more people around the world, tools like Intent can help you take that first step. It's a chat app with built-in AI translation, allowing you to easily communicate with native speakers worldwide from day one, even if your vocabulary isn't extensive. It's like having an understanding interpreter by your side when you chat with a new friend for the first time.
Now, ask yourself: Which language do you want to befriend the most?